Congress should declare a National Fart Day to relieve everyone. A musing.

— Lester L. Polk


Of all the simple pleasures in life, nothing compares with a good fart. Although they can indeed be unpleasant to those standing in their immediate vicinity, farts honestly bring great relief to those who release them.

It is considered unmannerly to expel wind in the presence of others, but this pressing intestinal need inevitably seems to arise at the most inopportune times when one is surrounded by people. First dates, elevators, classrooms, church — flatulence knows no timetable.

How many times have you suffered abdominal cramping for the comfort of others? Silently bore rectal rumbling so that sensibilities will not be offended and your reputation remains upstanding? Too many, I say.

We need a change so cheese-cutting men and women can break wind, poot, and float an air biscuit like free Americans.

Considering there’s a national day for everything from doughnuts to donkeys, Congress ought to enact a National Fart Day as a holiday from the restraints of good manners governing the breaking of wind.

On National Fart Day all citizens would be encouraged to let loose their anal acoustics everywhere and anytime. Just think of the relief it would bring to one and all! I say, let freedom rip! It’s about time.

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